Today while coming back home, in a cab, I suddenly felt a little emo. Was alone in the cab, well of cos the driver is there doing his job, while I seat at the back of taxi alone. Looking out of the window watching people goes by at Orchard Road. Realised Orchard change a lot, with all the new shopping malls coming up and some old malls renovating or had renovated. Thought of my 23 years life. Life is never so rosy, most people who see me now thinks that I have a good life but you guys never know what I have been through. Thought of how I wasted about 2 years of my life job hopping, never study, clubbing etc. I could have done so much in those 2 years. But if its wasn't for those 2 years, I will not have my precious baby and if its wasn't for those 2 years, I will not have a extended wonderful family. I guess that is what you call blessing in disguise. I know sometimes in school now, people will think I kiasu or arrogant, keep wanting to get good grades but that because I know how important education is to this society and of cos its very important for me, for my future and I tried so hard to study again, that why I do not want to give up so easily and I cannot give up. Saw people dress pretty go clubbing, meet up with friends... but here I am alone.. then thought of all my frens that left their foot prints in my life... who will be the one I can turn to when something happens to me, who will be there for me when I need a fren, then again I cannot think of anyone. Can't blame my frens cos I am not good in socializing, networking or even keeping in touch with them.. Am I a good person or bad person? After 23 years of life span, I still trying very hard to understand myself or should I say trying very hard to be the prefect someone.. had see people who said one thing and do another thing.. see people who back-stab one another... see people who talk bad at people yet act like an angel in front of everyone.. this kinda people let me think if I unknowingly am one of them.. and sometimes I am scared, scared of myself as I do see the evil me... And why do people celebrate birthday? Is to celebrate that we stay alive for the one year or is to celebrate that we are nearer to R.I.P?... Hubby just called to say Happy Birthday to me... was thinking how nice will it be if someone give me a small surprise? Hubby will never give me surprise cos he is the most practical old man you ever seen. Guess the surprise I want, I will need my baby to grow up then maybe he will give his mummy surprised and am crossing my fingers that is will not be too practical like his daddy... if not I may not get any surprised for the rest of my life...