Have been hearing bad news since August. First, baby no heartbeat then not growing well then miscarriage then Keon and Kiern got Herpangina then me getting herpangina too and admitted to KTPH A&E due to high fever and low bp then to the news where I can only try for a baby 6 months later.
So at least something good came out at the end of September. Went back to my gynae for check up again cos' for molar pregnancy, we have to observe my hCG level, it must go down if not may need to do chemotherapy. My gynae said he will do a pregnancy test first if positive then will need blood test. Reason being if hCG level is high, I will still be tested positive on a pregnancy test even though I am not pregnant. So it was such a relieve when my gynae broke the good news the moment I step into his clinic, "Good news, today dun need to do blood test, the level went down and you are tested negative". It's like a heavy stone have been release from my heart.
Anyway, I went into the clinic with a heavy heart. The pregnant women in the clinic kinda of make me sad cos' it make me think that it could have been me... but still I am keeping myself positive. Trying to build up my health by taking folic acid, cutting down on coffee etc. Hopefully good news will come in Februrary. =)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A baby that never come...
I ponder very long if I should document this loss, simply because it will be too painful for me to type this post. Still... I decided to write to remember the short live happiness.
Hubby and I had planned for baby #3 back in 2007 when I was still pregnant with Keon.
I was so happy, excited and eager for my third and final pregnancy journey, as hubby promised to give me the best for this last pregnancy journey, when I knew I was pregnant. It was my first time testing on a digital pregnancy kit as back then, during my first 2 pregnancy, there were no digital kit.
After knowing that I am pregnant, I kind of take things for granted that my first 2 pregnancy were smooth sailing. I continued to carry Keon and carried heavy things and also delay going to my gynae. I first went to my gynae on 1 August 2011, when I spotted stains of blood when I urinate. As usual, my gynae gave me a jab and prescribed me with dulphostro. My sister went with me for that visit and I was telling her, everything is fine as it happened during my first 2 pregnancy as well and nothing goes wrong (taking for granted yet again). I was happy to see a sac even though there was no heartbeat. My gynae asked me to go back ten days later and I was given 3 days MC with 2 days bed rest instructed by my gynae. At the mean time, I kept talking to baby to grow well and let me see heartbeat on the next visit.
On 10 August 2011, I went back to the clinic, feeling eager to see and hear my baby heartbeat. Gynae was unable to detect any heartbeat. He said could be still early to detect and need to go back 1 week later to check again, by then we must detect heartbeat if not it would be miscarriage. Came out of the clinic feeling scared and worried but still I tried to be positive.
I called a few clinic the next day morning, some didn't pick up the call, others said their doctor won't be in. Finally got an appointment with Dr Yvonne Chan at Thomson Medical Center. We told her that we needed second opinion. She did v-scan for me and she said "the baby is not growing well and the water bag is in an odd shape, I'm afraid it's a miscarriage. I know you come here for hope and I am sorry I can't give you the hope." I held back my tears. Hubby had said earlier to me, there is nothing we can do, it's just not meant to be.
So the next day, I went back to my gynae and did the D&C. All ended on 19 August 2011.
Many things ran through my mind back then. Is it because the ball that hit my back when I was working, is it because I carried Keon, is it because of all the excercise I did for my sport module, is it because of stress??? Ironically, I had a nightmare on 5 August, when I was still pregnant, I dreamt of something similar to miscarriage, is it a sign? After this roller coaster ride, all I want was a green light from my gynae that I could try again when my menstruation starts again but sadly, bad news just keep coming to me. I went back to the clinic for review on 5 October, my gynae said the report is back and my miscarriage is due to incomplete hydatidiform mole aka molar pregnancy so I have to wait for 6 months. I went back home feeling so clueless what is hydatidiform mole, why do I need to wait for 6 months? So I google for answer:
What causes a molar pregnancy?
Molar pregnancy is thought to be caused by a problem with the genetic information of an egg or sperm. There are two types of molar pregnancy: complete and partial.
Symptoms include:
What's the treatment for a molar pregnancy?
If you're diagnosed with a molar pregnancy, you'll need a D&C (dilation and curettage) or suction curettage to remove the abnormal tissue. This procedure can be done under general or regional anesthesia, or you can be sedated intravenously.
Your practitioner will then want to monitor your levels of hCG once a week to make sure they're declining – an indication that no molar tissue remains. Once the levels go down to zero for a few weeks in a row, you'll still have to have them checked every month or two for the next year.
Occasionally, abnormal cells remain after the tissue is removed. This happens in up to 11 percent of women with partial moles and 18 to 29 percent of women with complete moles and it's called persistent gestational trophoblastic neoplasia.
In most cases, the persistent moles can be treated with chemotherapy. But a very small number of them (1 in 20,000 to 40,000) will advance to a form of malignant cancer called gestational choriocarcinoma.
With prompt and appropriate treatment, nearly 100 percent of cases of gestational choriocarcinoma are curable when it hasn't spread beyond the uterus. Even in rare cases in which the abnormal cells have spread to other organs, 80 to 90 percent of cases can be cured. After you're in complete remission, you'll need to have your hCG levels monitored for a year, and possibly other regular testing.
When can I try to get pregnant again?
The good news is that, in the vast majority of cases, having a molar pregnancy doesn't affect your chances of having a normal pregnancy next time. But it is important to wait until your doctor says you can start trying again.
If you haven't had chemotherapy, you'll need to wait up to six months after your hCG levels go back to normal before trying to get pregnant again (SOGC 2004). If you have had chemotherapy, you are usually recommended to wait 12 months before trying.
If you become pregnant before these times, you have a greater chance of having another molar pregnancy. Your doctor won't be able to tell whether your rising hCG levels are because of your pregnancy or because abnormal tissue is growing back.
You should use contraception until it is safe for you to try for a baby. It's best to use condoms. The pill is not recommended, because if you take it when your hCG levels are still high, it can make you more likely to need chemotherapy. Coils (IUDs) are not suitable either, until your hCG levels and your periods return to normal (Cancer Research 2009, RCOG 2004).
Your odds of having another molar pregnancy are small, about one or two per cent (RCOG 2004). When you're pregnant again, you'll have an ultrasound in your first trimester to make sure all is well.
Hubby and I had planned for baby #3 back in 2007 when I was still pregnant with Keon.
I was so happy, excited and eager for my third and final pregnancy journey, as hubby promised to give me the best for this last pregnancy journey, when I knew I was pregnant. It was my first time testing on a digital pregnancy kit as back then, during my first 2 pregnancy, there were no digital kit.
On 17 August 2011, no heartbeat again. My gynae broke the news to me that it's a miscarriage. He schedule me to do D&C two days later. My whole heart dropped the moment I heard what he said! I came out of the clinic, calling hubby and cried through the phone. I reached home and saw hubby eyes were red yet he was acting strong in front of me and I broke down. When we calm down, we decided to seek for second opinion. I got recommendations from friend and forum.
So the next day, I went back to my gynae and did the D&C. All ended on 19 August 2011.
Many things ran through my mind back then. Is it because the ball that hit my back when I was working, is it because I carried Keon, is it because of all the excercise I did for my sport module, is it because of stress??? Ironically, I had a nightmare on 5 August, when I was still pregnant, I dreamt of something similar to miscarriage, is it a sign? After this roller coaster ride, all I want was a green light from my gynae that I could try again when my menstruation starts again but sadly, bad news just keep coming to me. I went back to the clinic for review on 5 October, my gynae said the report is back and my miscarriage is due to incomplete hydatidiform mole aka molar pregnancy so I have to wait for 6 months. I went back home feeling so clueless what is hydatidiform mole, why do I need to wait for 6 months? So I google for answer:
What causes a molar pregnancy?
Molar pregnancy is thought to be caused by a problem with the genetic information of an egg or sperm. There are two types of molar pregnancy: complete and partial.
Complete molar pregnancy. An egg with no genetic information is fertilized by a sperm. The sperm grows on its own, but it can only become a lump of tissue. It cannot become a fetus. As this tissue grows, it looks a bit like a cluster of grapes. This cluster of tissue can fill the uterus.
Partial molar pregnancy. An egg is fertilized by two sperm. The placenta becomes the molar growth. Any fetal tissue that forms is likely to have severe defects.
Symptoms include:
- Increased nausea and vomiting
- Vaginal bleeding
- Increased hCG levels
- Rapidly growing uterus
- Pregnancy induced hypertension prior to 24 weeks
- No fetal movement or heart tone detected
- Hyperthyroidism
- Pulmonary Embolism
What's the treatment for a molar pregnancy?
If you're diagnosed with a molar pregnancy, you'll need a D&C (dilation and curettage) or suction curettage to remove the abnormal tissue. This procedure can be done under general or regional anesthesia, or you can be sedated intravenously.
Your practitioner will then want to monitor your levels of hCG once a week to make sure they're declining – an indication that no molar tissue remains. Once the levels go down to zero for a few weeks in a row, you'll still have to have them checked every month or two for the next year.
Occasionally, abnormal cells remain after the tissue is removed. This happens in up to 11 percent of women with partial moles and 18 to 29 percent of women with complete moles and it's called persistent gestational trophoblastic neoplasia.
In most cases, the persistent moles can be treated with chemotherapy. But a very small number of them (1 in 20,000 to 40,000) will advance to a form of malignant cancer called gestational choriocarcinoma.
With prompt and appropriate treatment, nearly 100 percent of cases of gestational choriocarcinoma are curable when it hasn't spread beyond the uterus. Even in rare cases in which the abnormal cells have spread to other organs, 80 to 90 percent of cases can be cured. After you're in complete remission, you'll need to have your hCG levels monitored for a year, and possibly other regular testing.
When can I try to get pregnant again?
The good news is that, in the vast majority of cases, having a molar pregnancy doesn't affect your chances of having a normal pregnancy next time. But it is important to wait until your doctor says you can start trying again.
If you haven't had chemotherapy, you'll need to wait up to six months after your hCG levels go back to normal before trying to get pregnant again (SOGC 2004). If you have had chemotherapy, you are usually recommended to wait 12 months before trying.
If you become pregnant before these times, you have a greater chance of having another molar pregnancy. Your doctor won't be able to tell whether your rising hCG levels are because of your pregnancy or because abnormal tissue is growing back.
You should use contraception until it is safe for you to try for a baby. It's best to use condoms. The pill is not recommended, because if you take it when your hCG levels are still high, it can make you more likely to need chemotherapy. Coils (IUDs) are not suitable either, until your hCG levels and your periods return to normal (Cancer Research 2009, RCOG 2004).
Your odds of having another molar pregnancy are small, about one or two per cent (RCOG 2004). When you're pregnant again, you'll have an ultrasound in your first trimester to make sure all is well.
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